Chained
by Shinigami no Aiwa
Summary: Big, bad sadness. 1+2...my first try at Gundam, be kind to a poor little Aiwa. May contain hints of...things...


Chained  
  
A/N: Hey, my first try at a GW fic... I fully support the yaoi pairings of 1x2 and 3+4...even though I have no idea why, since I normally wouldn't like yaoi.  
  
However, I have no idea what to do with Wufei, so if I ever write something with him in it I'll have to stick 'im with Treize. Better him than Lady Unhinged.  
  
C and C will be greeted with much happiness, love, affection, and glomping onto your left foot. ^_^  
The stuff inside the /.../ is a poem, not thoughts.  
Just wrote this thing with no plan, so if it's less than coherent, blame the muses which told me to WRITE OR DIE.  
  
But I digress. Just read the damn thing!  
  
Chained  
  
Darkness...inside my mind...  
  
Heero, I love your eyes.  
  
Those eyes in the day I saw them smile. Before I knew why they finally betrayed their 'emotion.'  
  
/here I am, a suffering in three parts  
Bound to amuse your fantasies  
Clip my wings a little closer,  
drink in violet eyes of terror,  
you'd love it.  
Your ambrosia is the cries of the damned and the divine/  
  
How can I love my destroyer?  
But how can anyone be my destroyer, when I am the Armageddon, the sweet euthanasia, of the world.  
  
I am Shinigami. Occasionally I forget and just want to be nothing.  
  
/golden-brown locks fall in my eyes  
angel, shinigami, lover  
kneeling at your feet to serve your every need  
I'm damaged and broken merchandise,  
but you're afraid to let me go.  
The sky is darkening now, or is that your eyes I watch?/  
  
I loved you. I do love you even now.  
Even as you chain me here, and crush my wings in the relentless embrace of chilled iron..  
Why? I was supposed to be the dark one. You were the light.  
  
Until you realized how much you loved to hurt me.  
Until I realized all I was was something for you to slake your thirsts in.  
I wanted to drown you in golden-brown, and hope those thirsts would be filled, and you'd keep coming back, and one day you would realize you were addicted to violet eyes...  
  
Tell me, was I that much of a fool to hope the Perfect Soldier would love me?  
  
/And I'm looking for someone to take me  
away from this delusional illusion  
Someone wake me up; I'm crying, I'm dying,  
I'm nothing when you come to me.  
But night after night it doesn't change;  
this vision is real, unlike the visions of escape.  
Your own little angel, kept tied down in your pocket./  
  
I want to escape from you, Heero. It's all wrong.  
  
And the crown of thorns you've placed upon my brow is blinding me with blood.  
But I suppose I could maybe be grateful to the blinding damnation of my own heart's tears; anything to not watch familiar features twisted in such an obscene grin.   
I know how much you love seeing me abject, humbled.  
This is your Eden, isn't it?   
  
/Wasting away; I'm lost,  
forgotten in this small eternity  
Once so proud, I see my fall approaching.  
Broken over you and on you as you throw me down.  
Do I imagine a wince,  
when you touch the scars you've left?  
That's me, a scar upon your amoral ravaging./  
  
Yes, I know it. Your guilt. I SEE IT!  
  
I've waited so long for the spark that tells me you feel something, and I lay in pain watching your feature beautified in glory, watching you watch _my_ beauty desecrated, my broken wing unceremoniously shoved aside.  
  
And when you look down at what you've done to your Shinigami, I finally see your guilt.  
  
You DO love me, don't you, Heero?  
You just don't know how to tell me...  
  
Maybe this is actually the only right thing in the universe.  
  
Aishiteru, Heero.  
  
And I know you feel the same. You've chained me to you, as you keep abusing me until the breaking point. Then you give me some sign...and I'm suspended in hope again.  
  
Maybe the pain is supposed to feel good, and it's just something wrong with me.   
That's it, it must be. Because you love me, don't you?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
